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- DAO B A N G - K H U A T QUANG H i
6 I A 0 T I E P T H O N G M I N H
OVI13N6 Xtf
Ngtfdi dich: TA NGOC AI
DANG HtfNG KY
N G U Y E N QUOC B A O
NGUYEN MINH HOANG
N H A X U A T B A N V A N HOA - HONG TTM
THl/VIEN KHOAHOC KY THUAT
BUU BIEN
SOr.Vb.^...
PHU BAN:
- I (J I NO I tiflU -> 5
J 2 d i n o i i d u
Cdch xd giao vd tdi an noi Id bdo boi thdnh cong
Ion nhdt. Cuon sdch nay nhit "bat gd tan cho giao tiep
vd noi ndng". Con ngifdi ta sau khi ditqc boi bo ve tint
than vd tinh cam, nhdt dinh se bdi Idng trong xd giao
vd noi ndng. Cho dii the gidi noi tdm cila ban co dep
den may cftng phdi mo td, dien dat bang lo'i noi. Cho
dii the gidi co r&ng Idn den ddu, neu biet an noi thong
minh, ban ci'ing co the di khdp thien ha. Tuy sdch noi
ve vdn de xd giao", "tdi ihig xil" Iran ngqp tren cdc
gid sdch; nhitng vdn hy vong difoc thd'y nhitng cuon
sdch mdi ve "xd giao-tdi 1'tng xi(". Do Id nhu can cua
thai dai, Id khdt vong mo rdng giao htn, bdi dodn tdu
thai dai da tien vao kenh thdi gian vd khong gian mdi.
Kenh mdi nay trdi ddi vo tdn, dodn tdu cftng m(on tdi
vo tdn, khong gian giao Itfu cua con ngifdi cung keo ddi
vo tdn. Diiu nay lam thay doi quan ni&m giao tiSp vd
tdp qudn ngon ngit tntdc ddy cila chiing ta. Bdi vdy
chung ta phdi luon thich i'(ng, luon hoc tdp; vi nhitng
kien thi'tc vi "xd giao-tdi ling xi(" luon mdi, nin cdc
- 6 «• G110 TI it 1 W 0 N G IHINJl VflTflI IJ N G X i
sdch ve linh vitc nay alng cdn thitdng xuyen ddi mdi.
Trifdc mat ban la cuon "Giao tiep thong minh vd tdi
ting xti". Ten sdch gian di, khdng to ve, Id nhitng Idi
noi dang de chting ta xem xet. "Khong gian song cua
ban Id mot tit tntdng Ion, ne'u ban khdng thu hut ngudi
ta, ngifdi ta se thu but ban...".
"Quan he giao tiep ngdy nay khong the hien sit
cqnh tranh, chi cd cqnh tranh chxnh ddng mdi kit noi
duoc mdi quan he tot dep. Nhitng cqnh tranh chinh
ddng khong cd nghia la chdn chi hat bot, bao sao lam
vdy. Phdi biet rdng. "Qua thdt thd ciing la khong sang
suot". Xd hoi dang ti&n len, quan niem vd phitong
thifc ket ban cua moi ngifdi ciing thay doi. Cdi gi la
"nidi giao tinh thdn thief, "the' ndo Id ban chi cot?", ai
la "ddng chi", ai Id "cdnh ta?". Quan niem gid tri ban
he dd ddn ddn thay doi. Nhitng Idi noi thdt trong sdch
ciing thdt thd chdn thifc nhif ten sdch. Ldi noi thdt dd
tqo difoc cam nhdn mdi, cot cdch mdi, thdt ddng doc.
Hay xem phdn "tdi noi ndng " trong sdch - bien tdi noi
ndng tbdnh giotig dieu, dem giong dieu ket noi vdi cdi
tdi, vdn may. Dung Id mdt diSu "mdi". "Giotig dieu cd
the mang dSn tien tdi vd vdn may". Dd khdng phdi la
edit noi khudn sdo, no khdng nhitng khien ngifdi ta
phdi tin, md con la mot ly le mdi. Tdi khdng dam nhieu
- L d I KOI Dfl 1) ~» 7
/d7, xin de ban doc phdn xet. Doc d£n cho ndo thdy
tuyet, ban se cam nhdn sdu xa. Ban ditng qnen hay
ciing nghi&n ci(u udi chitng tdi, nghien ci'tu nhitng dnh
lita loe len tit sit va chqm giita "xd giao" vdi van may,
nghien citu "tdi noi ndng" nhtfdoa hoa ham tieu dang
nay nd trong noi tdm.
"Xd giao" vd "tdi noi ndng" cdn ditoc hoc hoi
thitdng xuyen de thitdng xuyen cam nhdn ditac cdi mdi.
Chuc ban may mdn vd thdnh cong!
- CIA 0 11{P 1410 H C (IIIN II VflI j I U N G X l)
DChdiL kill i)d t d i k(Ui
Nguai co tai an noi bao gia ciing la nguai tdi hoa
Nu ci/cfi khien long da thanh than
Co ngi/di quan niem rang, trong thdi dai ngay
nay con ngifdi nen di t i m nhufng niem vui, su" hutng
thu. Ngu"c(i ta khong ngan ngai nghi moi each lap
ky luc. Ho xem xet su" vat dutfi cap mat hai h.\idc va
qua giao tiep vdi ngifcfi khac, hp nhan duoc niem
vui bat ngd dong thdi cung mang l a i hiing thu cho
ngtfcri khac.
Du ban la ngu"di hieu biet rong, gioi chuyen
mon, t h i cung khong co nghia la ban se thu hut
di/oc ngUdi khac t i m den hoi han hoac cong tac vdfi
ban. A i cung muon ket ban vol ngUdi luon luon tao
ra cam gi^c mdi la. Do la nhufng ngifdi du dang m a i
me cong viec cung khong quen van dung each noi
di dom de trao doi ban bac chuyen mon vdi dong
su" Dieu nay gop phan lam cho cong viec cua ho
dien ra troi chay, suon se hefn, quan he vdi mpi
- ( 41 IfffIK : I -f 9
ngifdi xung quanh hoa nhap hern. V i vay ban hay
suy nghi t i m mot phucfng thufc giao tiep vui tUcfi
thoai m a i .
Neu mot ai do co t a i an noi, chua han da dupe
mpi ngifdi ham mo, ma can them vao do mot tarn
long cdi md ho h d i , t h i mdi that sU mang l a i niem
vui lau ben va sau s&c cho ngifdi tiep chuyen. Mot
y ttfdng thong thoang co the tang them phan gia
t r i cho san pham khai thac, con mot tarn hon thanh
than se giup ngUdi t a nay ra nhdng ggi md mdi,
lam cho cuoc song t r d nen phong phu, y nghia hon.
Thong thifdng khong thieu ke hpm m i n h mudn
duoc ngUdi ta tan thifdng, da to ra qua hang hai sot
sfing, t r d t h a n h ke cd chap gan dd, bi ngifdi ta xem
thiidng, loai ngUdi do rat de danh mat t i n h ban, k h i
vda mdi nhen nhdm.
Chung ta deu biet, mot so co gai qua ndng voi
trong chuyen chong con, da vo t i n h de tuot mat
nhieu chang t r a i , cd nhufng cd SEIC nifdc huong t r d i
co sure hap dan, nhe ra viec lay chong d§ nhif t r d
ban tay, nhifng chi v i qua nong vdi ma hoa r a xdi
hong bong khong.
Trong k h a nhieu trifdng hefp, k h i ta to ra qua if
t h e m k h a t dieu gi do, t h i thudng khdng ducfc thda
- 10 GIAOTliPTHOflCmiNUYflTJilflllGXtf
man, neu de 16 cho ngUdi khac biet minh khat khao
:hay bong ve mot t h d nao do, t h i se het sufc nguy
tiiem, hoac to ra quan tarn qua mufc can thiet ddi
vdi mot viec ma ngudi khac dang lam se khien
ngUdi ta dam ra nghi ngd, canh giac cho rang anh
zo y do md am sinh ra khuynh hudng de chdng
iioac ngan khong cho ban dat dupe dieu mong
muon. Do cung la mot net thuoc ve ban nang cua
;on ngUdi la hay phong xa.
Neu khong gay cho ngudi khac an tuong ve
tham vong qua 16 lieu cua ban, t h i ddi k h i ngutfi ta
lai danh gia ban la con ngu*di qua that tha khd dai,
^ i the khien ban cam chac that bai.
Lai co nhufng ngudi luon luon lo lang rang moi
agUdi khong Ua minh, the la vd h i n h trung gay cho
ngudi khac cam nhan la ngUdi do hoan toan mat t u
i n , the hoa ra la t u lam hai m i n h . V i vay tot nhat
l a y song cho thanh than vo tu, t a m trang luon
;hoai mai, hoa nha, hay song va giao tiep het m i n h
vdi moi ngUdi xung quanh, hay hoc each luon luon
n i m cudi, k h i tren mdi ban nd nu cUdi co nghla la
;rong long ban khdng h i gem mot chut lo au, phien
lao. Nu cudi khien long nhe nhom, khien ngUdi
thac cho rang ban la con ngudi het sufc t u ton, nu
- (41 If If NC: I 11
cudi hiia hen rang moi viec se ket thuc tot dep
diing nhu ban mong muoh.
Trong cudc song nen cd gang gitf duoc nu cudi
t r e n moi, nhung khdng co nghia la song mot each
hdi hot, khdng t a n tarn v d i cong viec. Phai vui ve
luon luon, l a m viec cham chi, can trong, co nhu vay
t h i nu cudi mdi phat huy t d i da cong nang va thu
dugc hieu qua nhu mong mudn.
Cho du t h d i budi nao, t h i each song khdn ngoan
nhat la thudng xuyen ddng d gdc do mot ngUdi
ngoai cudc de danh gia t h a m dinh ban than m i n h
mot each hoan toan khach quan, hoan toan lanh
lung. Ngoai ra nen de y den phan dng cua ddi
phucmg de dieu k h i e n t i n h cam cua m i n h , co nghia
la luon gianh quyen chu dong trong qua t r i n h giao
luu. Neu ren luyen dupe ban Hnh nhu the, t h i t a i an
ndi cua ban se lUu loat t r o i chay nhu boi trong nUdc
va vdn giao tiep cung se ngay cang phong phu hon.
An tuTcfng qua lan gap qd dau tien
L a n gap gd dau t i e n dirge danh gia la vo cung
quan trong. Neu lan dau ra mat ma an ndi khong
t r d i chay t h i muoh cdu van t i n h the se phai dau t u
- 1 2
«- 51 AO T U' P TJlONC OlIO Vfl Tfll llHC X li
r a t nhieu cong sufc ma chua chac da an nham gi. V i
vay lan dau ra mat nhat thiet khong dugc an noi
qua quit cho xong chuyen. Vay the nao goi la t u gidi
thieu ve minh?
Viec Mu t i e n la m i m cudi. Net mat tufcri cudi se
k h i e n cho ngudi tiep chuyen cam thay am ap chan
t i n h , do la yeu to tao dung bau khdng k h i hoa hop
va than ai.
Sau nu cudi ra mat se la t i e t muc t u gidi thieu
"Toi ten la...". K h i gidi thieu phai l a m noi bat
t r o n g diem, gia su v i khong nghe rd ma ddi
phuong goi n h a m ten ban, t h i chac han se dUa ban
vao t i n h the khd xd, gay ra khong k h i kho chiu,
k h i t u gidi thieu khong nhdng phai ndi nang mach
lac ro rang, tot nhat la kem t h e m phan giai thich,
vi du t o i ho "Vuong" chd vUdng nay nam trong t d
"vuong qudc", n h u vay se tao ra an tugng dam net
cho ddi phuong.
Mot diem khac khong kem phan quan trong la
khong nhdng bat ddi phuong phai chu y den ten hp
cua m i n h , ma ban con hp cua ddi phuong. N h d ra
ban goi n h a m ten ngUdi ta, se lam cho ngudi dd het
sdc that vong va nghl rang dd la mot cd chi that 11
khdng the nao cdu van dupe.
- ( J I M IK: |
-> 13
Co each gi de nhd difcrc ten ho cua ngtfdi ddi
thoai? Tot nhat la k i e m cd de xUng ho ngay lap tdc,
goi ducfc t e n ho ngUdi ta r a se ho trp" cho t r i nhd
ciia ban. Sau dd trong qua t r i n h giao tiep cung
ddng quen lau lau l a i goi t e n cua ho, de cho ngUdi
dd cam thay ban rat ton trong ho, t h a n t h i e t gan
gui ddi v d i ho, do la chat xuc tac de cho cudc trao
ddi duom sdc t h a i t i n h cam than t i n h , do cung la
bi quyet cua nhdng ngUdi gioi giao tiep, r a t dang
dupe hoc tap.
K h i giao tiep nhtfng cau noi mang t i n h chat le
t i e t t d n xung, neu nhd sU dung khong hop l y , t h i
se l a dieu gay can nhat, chang qua nhufng cau t o n
xUng dd chi thuoc pham t r u xa giao t h d i . V i du k h i
ban mudn n h d ai dd lam hp m i n h viec gi t h i chd
quen sd dung t d ngd " x i n , nhd"; k h i goi ngUdi be
t r e n hoac hon tudi, t h i chd goi ten t r o n g khong ma
p h a i dat sau chd ngai, ong, nhat la chao hoi cha
me cua ngiidi ddi thoai t h i nhat nhat phai xUng ho
la "bac", "cd", da nan neu noi "bo cau", "me cau"
cung chang l a m sao, nhiing trong lan dau ra mdt
m a an noi nhu" the qua la khong hop. Mudn difpc
ngiidi ddi danh gia ban la ngUdi cd giao due, cd van
hoa t h i hay chu y Idi an tieng noi trong l a n dau
giao tiep.
- 12
- (4iif f NC: i •> 15
dung tu" ngiir 11 nghia khach sao mot each t u nhien
t r d i chay.
Doi k h i ban khong nhat thie't phai van dung
each ton xifng. V i du k h i cap t r e n trong cong t y cho
goi ban, ban chi can cudi that ttfoi gat dau va noi
"Co viec gi khong a?" t h i da the hien difgrc long ton
t r o n g cua ban doi vdi sep r o i .
Giao lufu tinh cam va tif ti/ofng
Dac diem cua con ngifdi la thich giao luu, ket ban.
Chu Tac N h a n tdng noi: "NgUdi l a loai dong vat
song theo bay dan, so" nhat la sif cd don... t r d
nhdng ngifdi ngoi t h i e n khd luyen de hpc dao, con
nhdng ngifdi khac chang ai mudn song am t h a m
defn doc, ai cung thich giao lifu tiep xuc...". L a i co
ngUdi ndi "Thich cd doc neu khdng phai la da thu
t h i la t h a n linh".
Chung ta l a nhdng con ngifdi, moi thanh vien
trong xa h o i chung ta khdng the thieu giao lifU.
Neu coi xa h o i l a tn/dng xa giao gida ngu"di nay
vdi ngufdi k i a , n h a m muc dich l a m cho mdi t h a n h
vien deu ngay cang hoan thien, ddng gdp lofi ich
nhieu hern cua cong dong; cdn bieu h i e n cu the
- 16 «- c iflo n i p m o m m i H II V A I A I I7 N C x li
trong giao tiep t h i nham muc dich trUc tiep la cho
va nhan; Vay t h i ket qua cua giao tiep t h a n h cong
chinh la xay dung mdi dong cam vdi ngUdi khac.
Thdi dai ngay nay dupe coi la thdi dai t u duy
bien chdng, doi hoi ngay cang nhieu nha hung bien
cd t a i ddi dap. Qua vay, xa hoi dang di len, dang
phat t r i e n t h i sU giao luu gida ngUdi vdi ngUdi cung
ngay cang mat thiet, cho nen t i m ra sif dong cam ve
mat t i n h cam va t u tudng da t r d thanh mot phuong
tien tiep xuc khong the thieu cua loai ngUdi.
Moi mdi quan he deu phai qua budc khdi dau, ai
cung t d cho xa la roi mdi quen than, t h a m chi trd
nen t r i am, chi cot. Cung cd the gida bien ngUdi ai
dd chi gap gd hop tac mot lan r o i v i n h vien each
xa. Cho du mdi giao lUu gida ngUdi vdi ngUdi phat
t r i e n theo chieu hudng nao, t h i cung deu di qua
budc dau la lung bd ngd. N a m 1938 nha giao due
Trung Qudc Bao H a n h T r i den co n h i vien Vu Han
de t h a m hoi cac chau thieu n h i gap nan, v i mudn
ham ndng bau khong k h i trong budi giao tiep, tao
ra an tiipng sau s^c cho cac chau, ong md dau cau
chuyen bang each ra cho cac chau may cau dd doan
chd. Ong ndi rang "chd xuan" mang y nghia ngay
suan am ap vui ve\ hoa tuoi khoe sac, n h i n thay
tnua xuan coi nha n h i n thay niem hy vong cua dan
- CIlftfHC: I •> 17
toe Trung Hoa, bay gid ta dem chia tach chur xuan
t h a n h ba phan se thanh ba chu" "tarn", "nhan",
" n h a t " ^ . Chung ta quan niem ba ngudi da la so
dong, nghia l a moi ngudi doan ket dong long t h i se
danh bai duoc de qudc Nhat xam lupc, cac chau
thay bac dien giai nhu vay co dung khong?". Cac
chau r a t dong t i n h , nhiet liet v6 tay t a n thudng.
De n i t ng&n khoang each ve t i n h cam gida m i n h
vdi moi ngUdi, thudng ap dung each an noi di ddm
hai hudc de ha thap Uu the t i n h than cua ban than,
xoa tan sufc ep tarn ly ddi vdi ngudi nghe khien cho
ho cam thay nhe nhang thoai mai, va gay bau
khong k h i vui ve. Nam 1956 co mot v i nguyen thu
quoc gia nude ngoai den gap gd vdi sinh vien Dai
hoc Thanh Hoa tren san van ddng ciia nha trudng.
Md dau bai dien van, ong da noi vdi sinh vien "Toi
de nghi cac ban hay cudi len, vi chung ta dang ddng
trUdc mot tUOng lai xan lan". Cac ban tre cudi vang,
bau khdng k h i t r d nen chan hoa dam am.
Giao tiep trong lan dau gap gd, t a m trang
thudng hay bi cang thang, thieu t u nhien, neu
(1. Trong chO Han chd xuan viet la ^ , tach ra ba phan thanh ra
B!iU DIEN
PHU BAN:
- 18
- ( >i u u II M : I •> 19
Cho du ai dd dam nhiem chdc vu gi, lam cong
viec g i t h i n o i cho ciing cung chi la sU phan cong xa
hoi, chang nen v i the ma ha m i n h hoac kieu cang
hdm hinh.
Nguyen tac dng x d co ban la doi xd binh dang.
Chi k h i hai ngudi coi nhau ngang hang vdi dong cd
than ai san sang giiip do lan nhau, t h i cupc giao lull
mdi cd the thu dupe t h a n h cong.
Tieu Luu co thdi quen hach dich, xet net ddi vdi
cac co nhan vien trong cong ty, vdi dong sU t h i coi
thudng, vdi cap tren t h i lai khum niim, khep nep. V i
the h i n h tUdng cua anh ta trong mdt cac co khdng
duoc tot dep. Dong sU cung coi anh ta chang ra gi,
con cap t r e n t h i cho rang con ngudi do chi biet a dua,
xiem n i n h . Neu sd dung each cu xd phan biet theo
dia v i cua mdi ngudi, t h i se bi ngUdi khac k h i n h re.
NgUdi vdi ngudi vdn binh d i n g ; nen t u trong
nhung x i n ddng kieu ngao, k i n h trong ngUdi khac
nhung chd nen k h u m num bp dd, giiip dd ngudi ta
nhung chd ke dn; nhan sU giiip dd cua ai do t h i chd
nen y lai diia dam, phe phan ngiidi ta phai bang thai
dp chan t i n h va tdn trong; tiep thu phe binh vdi thai
dp k h i e m tdn thanh khan ke ca k h i ngUdi ta phe
binh chua that chinh xac, t h i cung ddng co de bung.
nguon tai.lieu . vn
